Everywhere. Little turds are everywhere, interrupting our attempt of a quiet life in Oxfordshire. We walk Julian to school, run our errands, all while watching out for turds every step of the way. Some are from little dogs, which are not too bad, others are large plops from some ginormous mastiff. Some, like the ones on the sidewalk today as we walked to get our groceries, were evidence of a big dog trying to do his business with his owner dragging him along because he needed to rush to church or something. A fifteen-foot trail of half-finished turds left behind like the crumbs Hansel placed to help him find his way back home. Only hopefully nothing will be eating these...
After a full day of turd watching and sole scrubbing (old toothbrush and cold running water works great for getting dog smut off my son's shoes) it is time to put the baby to bed. Our seven-month-old boy is quite the trickster when it comes time to sleep, he has devised the cleverest of plans that a boy his age could possibly execute. Usually when we put him down to sleep, he may cry for just a while but he soon realizes that we aren't going to come in and pick him up. Most of the time, he doesn't make even two seconds' worth of fuss before it's lights-out, and we like it that way. However, we have recently started him on solid foods and that has thrown a huge spanner in the works!
In case you didn't know, when babies are on milk-only diets their bowel movements are mostly fluid. But as Emerson is now of the age where we have to give him solid foods as well, the consistency of his movements has changed drastically. For a while, it was once every three days. We could handle that. That was great. But coincidentally, he has also begun to express a healthy amount of separation anxiety that is normal for his stage in development. What could that possibly have to do with poo? I'll tell you. (Heh, that rhymed!)
Instead of listening to the heavenly sound of the baby gently cooing and drifting into sleep, we hear straining grunts and "kkkeeeeeen" (which is Emerson's word for "clean") reverberating out the bedroom door. When we finally decide that he's definitely trying to tell us something, we open the door to a wall of stench bad enough to shout, "Honey... could you open some windows?"
"Do you think he pooped?"
"Well it certainly smells like it!"
When we go to change the child who is now grinning ear to ear like he knows something we don't, what we find inside his diaper is oddly praiseworthy. But not in an encouraging sense. Like a perfect crime, we are in awe of what he has accomplished but we do not find it acceptable. These "nappies" cost around 10p each and I have to come in and throw each one away for this? A tiny turd the size of a piece of candy corn? At first we thought it was possibly due to constipation, but that's definitely not it. What we have here is a baby boy who has simply learned from experience and applied his knowledge to get what he wants. He wants "ma-ma." Isn't that sweet.
If it were a one-off kind of thing, I think that would be fine. In fact, I hardly noticed the first few times he did this. But it has become largely evident that he is now just doing this on purpose to mess with us. I cannot even recall how many nights we spent trying to get him adjusted to the crib for naps and nighttimes, and we really deserved the cooperation we finally got. Now we are just wasting money; these things add up, you know. Not to mention that this behavior is rapidly making all our previous hard work redundant.
Disgusting as it may be, I think a lesson can be learned here. If nothing else, all these little turds have been reminding us to step a little more carefully, take the time to notice the little things (even if they are turds) and to spend more time with our children. They want it so badly they will even s*** themselves to prove it. That may be the strangest way to go about teaching this lesson, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh, and for heaven's sake let your dog stop for a minute to finish his business. You wouldn't want someone to rip you off your throne in the morning, so don't do it to your canine buddy, okay?
After a full day of turd watching and sole scrubbing (old toothbrush and cold running water works great for getting dog smut off my son's shoes) it is time to put the baby to bed. Our seven-month-old boy is quite the trickster when it comes time to sleep, he has devised the cleverest of plans that a boy his age could possibly execute. Usually when we put him down to sleep, he may cry for just a while but he soon realizes that we aren't going to come in and pick him up. Most of the time, he doesn't make even two seconds' worth of fuss before it's lights-out, and we like it that way. However, we have recently started him on solid foods and that has thrown a huge spanner in the works!
In case you didn't know, when babies are on milk-only diets their bowel movements are mostly fluid. But as Emerson is now of the age where we have to give him solid foods as well, the consistency of his movements has changed drastically. For a while, it was once every three days. We could handle that. That was great. But coincidentally, he has also begun to express a healthy amount of separation anxiety that is normal for his stage in development. What could that possibly have to do with poo? I'll tell you. (Heh, that rhymed!)
Instead of listening to the heavenly sound of the baby gently cooing and drifting into sleep, we hear straining grunts and "kkkeeeeeen" (which is Emerson's word for "clean") reverberating out the bedroom door. When we finally decide that he's definitely trying to tell us something, we open the door to a wall of stench bad enough to shout, "Honey... could you open some windows?"
"Do you think he pooped?"
"Well it certainly smells like it!"
When we go to change the child who is now grinning ear to ear like he knows something we don't, what we find inside his diaper is oddly praiseworthy. But not in an encouraging sense. Like a perfect crime, we are in awe of what he has accomplished but we do not find it acceptable. These "nappies" cost around 10p each and I have to come in and throw each one away for this? A tiny turd the size of a piece of candy corn? At first we thought it was possibly due to constipation, but that's definitely not it. What we have here is a baby boy who has simply learned from experience and applied his knowledge to get what he wants. He wants "ma-ma." Isn't that sweet.
If it were a one-off kind of thing, I think that would be fine. In fact, I hardly noticed the first few times he did this. But it has become largely evident that he is now just doing this on purpose to mess with us. I cannot even recall how many nights we spent trying to get him adjusted to the crib for naps and nighttimes, and we really deserved the cooperation we finally got. Now we are just wasting money; these things add up, you know. Not to mention that this behavior is rapidly making all our previous hard work redundant.
Disgusting as it may be, I think a lesson can be learned here. If nothing else, all these little turds have been reminding us to step a little more carefully, take the time to notice the little things (even if they are turds) and to spend more time with our children. They want it so badly they will even s*** themselves to prove it. That may be the strangest way to go about teaching this lesson, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh, and for heaven's sake let your dog stop for a minute to finish his business. You wouldn't want someone to rip you off your throne in the morning, so don't do it to your canine buddy, okay?
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